I am one of those people who can easily slip into a very negative state of mind. The slightest knockback or problem can lead to a cloud of doom descending over me, a cloud which I find hard to push away and remove. This article looks at ways in which we can fight back, to quickly get us back into a happy mode.

I used to be quite a fragile character, some would say that I was even scared of my own shadow. I was always paranoid that people were talking about me and laughing behind my back.

Even though my parents are superb, I was not a happy child or a happy teenager. I am so unlucky you see or so I thought. I walked around as if the world owed me something and would often feel very sorry for myself. I was bullied at school, it was more mental bullying rather than anything physical. I am sure that most people also get bullied and deal with it. It would leave me in a state of panic and depression. Looking back I have to say I was a bit of a wimp in reality.

I decided that enough was enough by my mid-twenties and decided it was time to toughen up. I could not continue to live my life as I had been, as I would probably be dead by the time I was fifty.

I then went about a self-help program to increase my overall self-confidence and self-esteem. I wanted to learn more about stress-management, dealing with depression, relaxation and about how to become successful in life.

What I found out over the next twelve to eighteen months would change my life forever.

These are the things I had to do:

I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. Yes I am not perfect but who is.

I had to think in a more positive way.

I had to stop worrying about the future.

I had to stop caring what other people thought of me.

I needed to smile more.

I needed to learn to relax. I now use meditation for this purpose.

I had to learn to like myself.

I needed to become stronger to fight away the negative thoughts in my head.

I needed to appreciate what I did have in life, rather than concentrating on what I had not.

I started to implement the above and it helped me no end. That horrible cloud of doom, still descended however, around once a month. When it does descend, I now write two lists. What I am happy about in life and what I am sad or worrying about. I then analyse both lists and more times than not, I am actually over-reacting.

In conclusion, life is a battle. There are good times and bad. We need to become strong and learn to think in a more positive way. We have to fight back against people who bully us and against the voices in our head who are trying to make us panic. This is not easy, however with determination people are able to turn their life around just like I have.

I used to feel anger towards the people who bullied me at school. I now feel sorry for them. They are the bad apples and I prey for them. I prey that God will one day make them pure.

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Curiously easily diagnosable and treatable medical problem, depression happens to at least 20 million American adults every year. As we discussed earlier, although everyone has experienced sadness and feelings of being depressed, people that are suffering from true depression have many frequent and recurring long-term symptoms, making them view life as something not worth living.

How would you know if you have a depression problem? Here are more depression symptoms. These symptoms vary in each person, although if these happen to you, it might be wise to consult a doctor.

- Sadness that is prolonged

- Crying spells that are unexplained

- Significant and abrupt changes in sleep patterns and appetite

- Anger, irritability, anxiety, worry, agitation

- Pessimism, indifference

- Energy loss

- Persistent lethargy

- Guilt feelings and unexplained sense of worthlessness

- Difficulty in concentrating and indecisiveness

- Inability in taking pleasure in interests you previously enjoy

- Social withdrawal

- Unexplained pains and aches

- Extreme fatigue when you have not done much

- Recurring and frequent thoughts of suicide or death

If you are experiencing at least five of the symptoms listed above and have begun interfering with family activities or work for more than a week, ask your doctor for a thorough checkup. This would most likely include having a comprehensive physical exam (although some symptoms might be caused by other health problems that you have) and a detailed clinical history. Just be honest and open on what and how you are feeling.

Do not even think of diagnosing yourself. Likewise, you cannot rely to a friend or a member of your family for diagnosis. Only a doctor that is properly trained to check illnesses is the only one that can fully determine if you are having a depression episode.

If you want, you could try self-evaluation tests available on the Internet that could help you gauge the symptoms that you have, or at least, can prepare you when you visit your doctor. Think of these tests as a way of communicating your symptoms better to a healthcare professional when you go in for a visit. Of course, online tests prove no match to an actual consultation.

For other people, depression is recurrent, which simply means that they experience depression episodes often - once or twice in a month, at least once a year, or many times throughout their lifetimes.

Do not feel embarrassed, shy, or ashamed of your depression problem. People of various ages, ethnic groups, races, and social classes get this problem. Although depression can happen at any given age, depression commonly develops in people whose ages lie between 25 and 44. If you have a depression problem, you’re not the only one. Every day, there are more than 20 million American adults that are experiencing depression problems.

Be persistent and patient and you will find the method that suits you best for determining depression.

Dr. Isaac Schumann brings to you a life time of experience in the mental health field
www.depressionhelpguides.com

It is the beginning of a new year and I can’t help remembering it as a time of angst when I worked in Corporate America. This was the time that people were spending hours writing up their accomplishments for the previous year. Managers it seemed only remembered what happened in the last month or two. Evaluations were done on a year’s worth of work. If you wanted your manager to remember the many good things you did earlier in the year, he/she needed to be reminded!

Appraisal time is dreaded by both managers and employees. In the 15 years that I worked in the sales and marketing division I think I actually saw my evaluation 3 or 4 times. Yes, I was supposed to sign it every year but I rarely had the opportunity. I’d usually ask my manager for a copy in February or March. Most of the time he would say it wasn’t finished yet. I’d persist for 3 or 4 months and then give up.

When I became a manager myself I wrote my share of evaluations. I did deliver feedback to many people who resisted anything negative and often got angry about it. I began to understand why managers hate appraisal time and why my appraisals were rarely shared with me!

As an employee I learned to write down my accomplishments during the year so I wouldn’t forget any. I also saw the need to underscore them with my manager at the time that they happened. As a manager I found it more beneficial to give feedback all through the year so the appraisal process became less contentious.

Caring firms learn to do the appraisal process year round. Giving feedback on both good and poor performance helps the firm and the employee grow. Kenneth Blanchard and Spencer Johnson in their book The One Minute Manager talk about catching someone doing something right and praising them for it. When was the last time you congratulated an employee for doing a great job?

A manager needs help an employee by explaining to the person what isn’t working. Recently I was told about an associate attorney who had worked for a partner on a project. When the project was completed the associate assumed the partner liked her work since the partner took it and never made any comments on it. The associate was terribly upset when several months later the partner told her that she (the partner) was disappointed in the associate’s work. To be effective feedback has to be given at the time that job is done not 3 months later. It also needs to be specific (I am disappointed that you didn’t proof read this document.) and not personal (Your work is sloppy.). The feedback gives the employee guidance on how to improve.

We want employees to be able to do a variety of tasks. If we penalize them when they make mistakes they will be reluctant to try anything new. The best way to learn is by doing. Managers need to make allowances when the person lacks experience. The work isn’t going to be perfect the first few times.

Clients frequently tell me that they may as well do everything themselves rather than spend the time to instruct their employee. If the job is going to be done only once and never again than perhaps my clients are right but if the job is repetitive it is worth the investment of time to teach another employee to do it. Training and feedback are both a big investment of time but the effort is worth it and both manager and employee will be happierespecially at appraisal time.

Take Action

1. Begin to keep a list of accomplishments for this year. You’ll be amazed at how much you achieve in a year and the list itself may inspire you to do more!

2. Begin to notice how many people you interact with during a day. Remember to give them feedback when they do a good job for you. How many people can you “catch doing something right”?

3. If you manage someone who is starting a new project, include feedback sessions into the project schedule and develop a way to honestly critique the work.

About Alvah Parker

Alvah Parker is a Business and Career Coach as well as publisher of Parker’s Points, an email tip list and Road to Success, an ezine. To subscribe send an email to join-roadtosuccess@go.netatlantic.com.

Parker’s Value Program© enables clients to find a way to work that is more fulfilling and profitable. She is both a Practice Advisor and Coach to attorneys, managers, business owners, sole practioners, and people in transition. Alvah is found on the web at http://www.asparker.com She may also be reached at 781-598-0388